I love my husband. We have been married for over thirty years and have known each other since high school. We have some great times together and life is pretty good. But…we have been doing the “she has to lose weight loss dance” for quite some time. The problem is…we both want to lead. He has always had a passive aggressive way of letting me know his feelings about the matter. Like I said, we were both in step for the past few months, but based on my history of yo-yoing I guess he is afraid I am going to fall off the wagon completely and he thinks in his distorted brain that he is the one to help me get back on. Why he doesn’t realize he is only adding to the problem since I have told him so over and over again, I just don’t get. Here is Friday’s morning example, which was my muse for today’s blog, for your reading pleasure. I walked into the kitchen on my way to a very early meeting. It just so happened I was hired to do a project for a very good friend of ours that we have known for many years. On the counter was a box of reduced fat Cheetos that I bought a few weeks back in a moment of weakness. To my credit, I had only had a few crackers and then put them in the back of the pantry. As I walked into the kitchen my husband said “I put the Cheetos on the counter so you could give them to Louie since they are his favorite.” Now…I am going to an awards ceremony for Louie where there will be three hundred of his employees. It is somewhat of a formal affair. It is not like Louie and I are meeting at a diner for breakfast. My husband knows that. Would I really bring an open box of Cheetos to this venue and hand them to Louie (who is the president of the company) while he is on the podium? COME ON!!!! This is how my husband works his message through his passive-aggressive approach. What I heard was: “I found these Cheetos in the back of the pantry so your secret is out.” That is my interpretation and I think I am spot on. But….I didn’t say anything. The old me would have reacted but the new iChange me just let it flow off my back. I took a deep breath and just said “I don’t think Louie would really want a half-opened box of Cheetos today and his favorites are actually the White Cheddar Cheetos.” and we both let it go at that. I calmly put the Cheetos back into the pantry. Perhaps he felt that just going as far as he did sent him message, I am not sure but there was no more discussion about the Cheetos. I find this to be a big step for me since I broke an old pattern of me being defensive. I think I told him (albeit in my own passive-aggressive way) that I am in charge and if he wants to support me, this is not the way to do it. So…the old me would have told him to just stay out of my eating business and probably criticize him for being passive-aggressive and then go to my meeting fuming. Then I would have probably gone on an eating binge of some sort to show him I was in control…not him. Makes a lot of sense…doesn’t it? I finally realized at my ripe old age that he honestly is only trying to help me even if he doesn’t get that it isn’t the help I need. He is not doing it mean spirited, in his head he thinks he is helping. Getting my mind wrapped around this idea has helped me not be defensive and also not to use his approach as an excuse to binge. So…the dance will continue…and sometime we both will be gliding in sync across the dance floor.
Recent Comments